I have been thinking a lot about father’s lately. Their role in society and, the impact they have in the lives of their daughters and sons.
I had one perception of a distant father, the father who was completely absent, ran away and never came back. I forget about the “present” father the one who lives in the house but is never there.
We all know about the absent black father. The uncle who reaches out to his kids a 100 years later after self reflection (because the glory days are over). The brother who had children in every city and all the women in the family protect his honour because all those women knew what kind of man he is. The grandfather who dies and leaves the family to deal with “his my father” stories.
I find myself wondering though, if we have reached a new era, 42 (forty two) years later men are still running away from their responsibility.
People always assume that feminists are angry because we have “daddy issues”. My response is always ” I was fathered very well”. My mother is very indifferent about female grooming definitely not her portion.
My father on the other hand made it his mission to bath me every morning, brush my hair and tie it into two very neat braids, polish my school shoes and taught me how to apply nail polish on Saturday afternoons. I was fathered perfectly, my knight in shining armor. I think it’s because of this that I fear the possibility that this is not the norm.
Contrary to expectations my article is meant to celebrate fathers. The men who were not taught how to love, the men who knew their fathers were philandering and chose to overcome their “I am like my daddy insecurity” to honour their families.
This article is for all the black men who withstand all the stereotypes and break all the barriers (because there are many). Your commitment to your family is a revolution for all black people. Say what you will about nuclear families ,the essence is that black babies thrive from the perception of healthy adult relationships.
Accountability is the word of the day.
Are you friends with a trash man whom has “ghosted” his child? And looked the other way because that’s just the way he is. This why we are here dear black man, your actions are only valid if they benefit you. Have you dealt with yourself? Issues with your manhood? Your father? The pressure society has enforced on you?!
We have progressed,moved and our revolution is seeing a different kind of fatherhood brewing. I sincerely hope we are raising sons and daughters with the same expectations. Showing our children love through affirmation and actions.
Do you question your fatherhood? Your actions and reactions and how your children,step children ,nieces and nephews perceive you? Are you breaking barriers to insure that the next generation of black men and women survive in this society that is not built for them without self harming? These are the questions my brother. Only you can answer them.