The relationship series
Nelisiwe Tshabangu (22)
“His a gentleman when it suits him, if I behave in a particular way, his a gentlemen” – Nelisiwe
Love is always such a demanding feeling, and time and time again when people try to fight it the reality is we all want someone to love. I think at some point when things don’t go as expected ,you may start to realize that maybe what you thought was love, was nothing to begin with.
Maybe he loved me,did he say he does? Is this something he does often?,wait do I even know what love is?! My conversation with Nelisiwe gave me a different view of how we as girls may be sabotaging ourselves by staying in relationships that clearly show no direction of success.
“I don’t think guys cried love with me,I have cried love with myself” Nelisiwe expresses that sometimes she would think maybe because he may buy her flowers,and cuddles with her ,he loves her. Not necessarily because His just comfortable and that’s what he wants to do at the time.
Her view is that the problem starts with society, we have friends who are in specific relationships at a specific age and you think “I also want something like that for myself”. However we begin to modify ourselves because if I change myself, he’d modify himself too.
“I have misread the situation, I didn’t believe him when he said he’s a jerk” , this is true it’s as if your waiting for slap on the head as confirmation and as the saying goes when someone shows you who they are for the first time,believe them.
I personally believe that we fall in love with the potential of who someone can turn into ,and unfortunately never realise the reality of who the person is right now. As old- fashioned as this may sound , I do believe that most of the time it’s good to sit back, evaluate who you are, find content so you can have the courage to love ,hurt and love again.
I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes by Elizabeth Gilbert
“I’ve fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I’ve hung onto the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance, I’ve been a victim of my own optimism”
May love,peace and grace be upon you.