My relationship with my father.
Nyeleti Ubisi (22)
“A relationship with your father changes your perspective on men and how you experience them” – Nyeleti
The story of a broken family is all to familiar to South African homes, television and media give us the perception that black households are filled with detached ,emotionless fathers who may provide for their children but have no personal relationship with them. This may be true for some households however Nyeleti reminds us that black fathers can and are well rounded parents who love, nurture and provide for their children.
Nyeleti expresses that “it is very important for every girl to experience what I call a walk with their father because it changes the way you perceive men and how you feel about men as a whole and it changes your routine how you handle your relationships with your male friends, male colleagues and your partner” and I fully agree as many times how we react to male influences around us is directly linked to the relationships (or lack thereof) we have with our fathers.
Nyeleti believes that her relationship with her father liberated her, the older she grows the more she appreciates he’s wisdom in her life ” as soon as he saw me as mature we were able to talk about certain things that I honestly never thought I could talk to my dad about such as my relationship with my partner because they are both men especially when there are things I don’t understand about my partner”
The depth of a women’s relationship with her father is always seen in her partner, because women always look for certain qualities her father has in a man I suppose the question here would be what qualities do you look for in a man when you have no reference. Nyeleti agrees that her father and her partner have similar qualities ” My dad can be very closed off with he’s emotions because of how he grew up similar to my partner who is also very closed off because he never had a personal relationship with he’s father another thing I learned from my father about men is that we need to accept them as they are because we as women always want to change something about men ” she continues to explain that even though her father is closed off with he’s feeling whenever he does open up they are able to speak and get more in touch with he’s feelings she can see a vulnerable side of him without me thinking that he is weak.
“My father taught me to have pick my friends wisely ,and to respect people no matter how much money I could have repsect goes a very long way .My siblings and I are very blessed but he also taught us to work for everything that we want he always reminds us that he’s money is he’s money and we therefore need to work for ourselves so we can understand the value of money”
Nyeleti expresses “I think its important for girls to have a relationship with their fathers because it helps you distinguish between a healthy relationship and a toxic one , once you receive that love from your father you become content in what love is” . Even though her parents are divorced she explains that her father still holds the highest level of respect for her mother and watching him treat her mother with love and humility reminds her that men have love and we should not be discouraged from believing it.
May love,peace and grace be upon you.